User blog:BadmininaIsEw/Rant: 002
It saddens me that I have to rant about this AGAIN, but it has come up again. I have been in love with a girl at my school for awhile. I loved her personality, thought she was cute, (I define a person as cute more of how they act, what their voice sounds like, speach patterns, and a little bit of how their facial structure is) and I saw something in her I hadn't seen before: Someone who was unique, different, yet like me. She had told me that she wasn't into drugs, and had been sent to the school program I go to because she never did homework. THAT'S WHY I GOT SENT THERE! :D Faith in humanity? Restored. More recently, we had become closer, I would say we even became friends. But one day, I saw something in her that I recognized. The anxiety of not being able to tell someone how you felt. "Fuck it." After I got home, I got on Facebook, and told her how I felt. Turns out, the feeling was mutual. We talked for a couple of days. Apparently, she knew what depression was. Apparently, she had it and knew how I felt. Had I finally found the one? One time I was talking to her about wanting to kill myself, and I actually felt like I could do it this time. "Things'll get better." Wait, what? But... You should never say that to a depressed person... It makes things worse... Shouldn't she know that? Then, a good friend of mine had tipped me off about the fact that she smoked weed. My mind started racing, as it often does after gaining information. That's how I figured out Alyssa was Joey so quickly. That's how I figured out Tommy was actually Hikaru. That's how I figured out that Hikaru wasn't real either so quickly. Btw, Joey, if you're reading this, idk if you already know this, but Izzy helped create the Tommy persona. Yeah... I asked her if she smoked. "Who told you that?" I'm not retarded, I found a way to "prove" that I simply suspected it, and therefore SHE was the one who told me. "Because if I've learned anything, it's that I always fall in love with people who aren't quite who I thought they were. So I tried to remember far back, seeing if I could find something. I remembered you talking about how you don't smoke, and were in alt ed because you never did homework. Then there's the fact that you talk about depression the way someone who's never had depression talks about it. You never say "things'll get better" to a depressed person. It's careless and actually kinda offensive. And smoking makes depression worse, sooo..." I still have not received a response. I don't understand why people feel the need to lie about being depressed. I don't understand why people do drugs. Actually, I understand the first part. People do it because they don't really know what it is. It's a '''DISORDER,' not an emotion.'' People lie about having disorders and shit in order to make them sound more interesting. You can usually tell if they don't have the facts right, or have multiple disorders. Disorders aren't exactly common in the first place, what the fuck makes you think you have more than one of them? Do your strange thoughts effect your day-to-day functions? No? Then it's not a disorder. If you're really sad, really often, that's not depression. You're simply sad. If you want to kill yourself, struggle to get things done because of the sadness, constantly focus on your flaws, and/or feel really sad even though you know you should be happy. THEN you are depressed. Actually, then's probably the wrong word, as it can be genetic. My mom's mom was bipolar. My mom has serious anxiety and depression issues (could also be bipolar), and guess what? If you couldn't already tell by my constant blogs, I'm horrible depressed. So yeah. Stop lying about that shit. Just assume you DON'T have a disorder. It's not something to be taken lightly. It's like lying about having cancer, diabetes, or an STD. You don't want those disorders, so why would you want a disorder in your brain? You know, the conscious one. The one that thinks. When I say it's a curse, I fucking mean it. Thank you for reading thus far. I appreciate the support for my writing. I'll try to respond to comments a little better from now on. ♥~The teen behind the screen, GΛURDIΛN (AKA Badminina) Category:Blog posts